Kathryn Morris UK

The KM UK Awards like to stay up to date with current trends, reflecting what is going on around us all.  Some would call it it band-wagon jumping for comic effect, opportunist, or just lazy writing.  And those people could be best described as… correct.  It’s just a bit of fun after all.

There have been several high profile political movements this past year, denoted increasingly more regularly these days with a hash tag.  #MeToo for instance was used in reference to women speaking out against abuse and discrimination they’ve suffered for far too long.

Here at KM UK we will certainly not be trivialising such important issues.  Instead we will be going old school and referencing a television phenomenon from the recent-ish past, that is still very much in the news today:  You’re Fired!  (Ironically said by a boss to a candidate going through a prolonged televised job interview and therefore was not in a position to be fired.)  It feels like everyday at the moment someone in a high profile role is getting fired.  Either they’ve done something wrong and getting rid of them is seen as serving a purpose.  Or, they’ve done the right thing and that reflects badly on someone higher up.  It also means we can used the same icon as last year

Welcome to the 2018 KM UK Awards.

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Здравствулте!

*cough*  Hello.

Had enough of all those fake awards?  The Oscars?  So fake.  The BAFTAs?  Made up by the media who are too scared to tell you the truth.

To counter all that we bring you the Alternative Awards, or Alt-Awards.  And these are in no way influenced by ‘foreign actors’.  Only good ol’ home grown actors here.  Any results that you see leaked are being done so by bad hombres.  Sad.

Great news is we have a new sponsor for the event.  It’s V0dka.  ‘Don’t be bad. Drink like Vlad-imir.’  The classic American drink enjoyed by millions of hard working folk just like you.  Never has the potato tasted so good.  Apart from as ‘Freedom Fries’.

Despite appearances we know that this year will have the biggest audience ever.  Billions will witness this event.  8 to 10 billion in fact.

Due to the unprecedented success of last year’s new be-quiffed mascot we’ve brought it back.  If you ignore all the millions of votes against it (mostly illegal no doubt) it was the most popular statue since the last really popular one.

Welcome to the 2017 KM UK Awards.

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We were invited to other award shows but didn’t go this time!  They gave out stupid prizes, in lightweight categories!  We’ll hold our own event, again, and they’re not invited to it!

Let me tell you I know a thing or two about award ceremonies!  I’ve done billions of them!  They’re the best award ceremonies you’ve ever seen!  I’m not just saying that.  Everyone knows that!  Right?

And we won’t be handing out namby-pamby prizes to ‘winners’.  Oh no!

From now on the so-called ‘winners’ will have to make their own statues.  They can pull them out of the their own ears, their own… whatever.  What’s more, we’ll make them pay us to let them make them for themselves!

And if they don’t like that we’ll force them to do something worse than wakeboarding!  That’s a thing right?

We’ve got a new mascot for our event this year.  As you can see (above) ‘The RichE’ is a very attractive bear.  Yes, before you ask, all the fur is natural.  It just grows like that.

It’s time to make the KM UK Awards great again!

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