Had enough of all those fake awards? The Oscars? So fake. The BAFTAs? Made up by the media who are too scared to tell you the truth.
To counter all that we bring you the Alternative Awards, or Alt-Awards. And these are in no way influenced by ‘foreign actors’. Only good ol’ home grown actors here. Any results that you see leaked are being done so by bad hombres. Sad.
Great news is we have a new sponsor for the event. It’s V0dka. ‘Don’t be bad. Drink like Vlad-imir.’ The classic American drink enjoyed by millions of hard working folk just like you. Never has the potato tasted so good. Apart from as ‘Freedom Fries’.
Despite appearances we know that this year will have the biggest audience ever. Billions will witness this event. 8 to 10 billion in fact.
Due to the unprecedented success of last year’s new be-quiffed mascot we’ve brought it back. If you ignore all the millions of votes against it (mostly illegal no doubt) it was the most popular statue since the last really popular one.
Welcome to the 2017 KM UK Awards.
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As we approach the end of the year it is common to look back on the past year.
This seems to be happening especially early this year. Perhaps this is because it has been a tumultuous one for many people around the world. There have been losses this year that could have significant on-going implications for all us, possibly for generations. In the world of entertainment alone we’ve lost many revered people. Two long considered living legends became eternal legends: David Bowie and Prince.
Cold Case did a lot of looking back. Most episodes opened with a flashback scene from years gone-by, followed by frequent returns to that period as the story unfolded. Kathryn, as Lilly Rush, ended many an episode staring into space as she saw/thought about the victim and how they would feel about their last chapter finally being written. Some times we all just need to gaze at the horizon whilst we contemplate the bigger picture.
In this spirit the theme for the 2016 KM UK Advent Calendar is made up of shots from episodes of Cold Case where Lilly does that distant, mixed emotions (glad things are resolved but with some sadness) stare. There are so many that I’ve focused on just seasons one to three.
Each day of December running up to and including Xmas day a new image will be revealed in the Advent Calendar album in the KM UK Gallery. See if you can work out which of the nearly 70 episodes each image comes from.
A link has now been added to the right-hand menu to save you searching for this post as the month progresses.
We were invited to other award shows but didn’t go this time! They gave out stupid prizes, in lightweight categories! We’ll hold our own event, again, and they’re not invited to it!
Let me tell you I know a thing or two about award ceremonies! I’ve done billions of them! They’re the best award ceremonies you’ve ever seen! I’m not just saying that. Everyone knows that! Right?
And we won’t be handing out namby-pamby prizes to ‘winners’. Oh no!
From now on the so-called ‘winners’ will have to make their own statues. They can pull them out of the their own ears, their own… whatever. What’s more, we’ll make them pay us to let them make them for themselves!
And if they don’t like that we’ll force them to do something worse than wakeboarding! That’s a thing right?
We’ve got a new mascot for our event this year. As you can see (above) ‘The RichE’ is a very attractive bear. Yes, before you ask, all the fur is natural. It just grows like that.
It’s time to make the KM UK Awards great again!
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Following on from our post on Thursday about winning Bone Tomahawk on DVD/Blu-ray, how about a signed poster.
Horror news website Dread Central has such a work of art signed by various members of the success western.
Actors Kurt Russell (Death Proof), Patrick Wilson (Watchmen), Matthew Fox (Lost), and Richard Jenkins (Six Feet Under) have taken pen to paper along with writer/director Craig S Zahler, and producers Dallas Sonnier and Jack Heller. Sadly Kathryn is notable by her absence from that list.
All it takes is a properly subject-lined email sent to the correct address with your details. No question to answer, no “reason why I should win” sentence to write, or special slogan to create. Just an email. You have until the very start of the day on the 28th of December, taking into account the timezone. Get it done before the 27th to be safe.
Unusually for this kind of thing it appears not to be limited to only those in North America. At least if the asterixed line at the bottom of the page “Some International Shipping Available” is to be believed.
See the Dread Central page here.
Star Wars! Star Wars! Star Wars! Star Wars! Star Wars! Star Wars! Star Wars! Star Wars! Star Wars! Jar Jar Binks! Star Wars! Star Wars! Star Wars! Star Wars! Xmas! Star Wars! Star Wars! Star Wars! Star Wars! Star Wars!
It seems that every media outlet at the moment is finding ways to jump on the Star Wars bandwagon, slapping tenuous references to the movie juggernaut for the sake of a few extra clicks.
And why should KM UK be any different?
In less than two weeks the western horror film Bone Tomahawk will be released on DVD and Blu-ray in the United States Of That There America.
I’m sure it won’t be the first or the last but the Irish Film Critic website is running a contest to win a copy. No skill necessary, apart from the skill to type your details into a form on a web page. See HERE for full details. It is only open to US and Canadian citizens over 18 years of age. Sorry.
Elsewhere the film has been receiving many plaudits.
Audiences Everywhere calls it the Best Romantic Horror/Western of the year. Not sure about ‘romantic’ part, but even cannibalistic troglodytes need love too.
Bone Tomahawk‘s Craig Zahler features in The Film Stage‘s list of 2015 Best Directorial Debuts alongside films like Ex Machina.
The Phoenix Critics Circle nominated the film in the best horror category, and Richard Jenkins was included in the Best Supporting Actor short list.
Jenkins also gets a Best Supporting Male nod in the Spirit Awards nominations announced a few weeks ago. The winners will be declared at the ceremony in late February.
Congratulations to all involved.